Depression Recovery

Question:

> I’m doing these good things for myself: talking to friends about how I’m > feeling (and getting support from them), not hounding myself to GET OVER > IT, getting back into my pre-wedding routine of usual activities, went > to see the new Tarzan movie and lusted shamelessly. Anyone out there > have any other tips for coping with post-wedding blues?

You mean it doesn’t get any easy after the wedding?  *sighs* I was really hoping all the stress would go after that.  Oh well, only 2 months to go.

Response:

> You mean it doesn’t get any easy after the wedding?  *sighs* I was really > hoping all the stress would go after that.  Oh well, only 2 months to go.

Oh yeah, the STRESS goes away, definitely! There’s just a little bit of a let-down after pouring all that time, energy, money, creativity, anticipation into the big day. And, as always, ymmv! This is just how *I’m* reacting. K

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I’m working on ‘em offline I’m writing stuff down so I won’t forget > it but I’m finding I need to distance myself a little from the wedding, > now that it’s over. I’m having a touch of that post-wedding depression! > Our pictures are due back Thursday night, so I’m giving myself > permission to not think too much about the wedding until then. I mean, > it went beautifully, and about as perfectly as an earthly wedding can > go, with only a couple of minor glitches, er, umm, that is, only a > couple of interesting stories along the way! All the same, the let-down > is there. On the bright side: I should be fully "recovered" by the time > we leave for our honeymoon later this month, so I’ll be able to really > groove on the good time I’m sure we’ll have. > I’m doing these good things for myself: talking to friends about how I’m > feeling (and getting support from them), not hounding myself to GET OVER > IT, getting back into my pre-wedding routine of usual activities, went > to see the new Tarzan movie and lusted shamelessly. Anyone out there > have any other tips for coping with post-wedding blues? > Thanks, > Ketchup

Hi, Ketchup – I think the reason many couples get post-wedding blues is because they are no longer looking forward to a future event – their wedding day. One cure for this is to plan some fun things for you and your husband to do each month, and mark them on your calendar so you can look forward to them. My husband and I try to have a "date" every month around the 17th – something beyond going out to dinner and going to a movie, which we do a lot anyway. On our dates, we’ve gone to the zoo, museums, to plays (our city has great community theater) and to concerts. Sometimes it’s just an evening out, but sometimes it’s the whole day out. Also, remember what you did before you were spending much of your free time on wedding planning, and do those things again – with or without your spouse. And began creating married couple rituals. In addition to our "dates," we have breakfast out on Saturday morning every month. That’s actually a ritual Ken brought to our marriage – he was used to going out to breakfast with his parents and roommates. Nancy (married to Ken May 17, 1997)

Response:

Ketchup – You are not alone on this! =)  We were married 12/7/96 and it was a bit of a letdown when everything was over and we were back to real life again.  Even the holidays (which I usually love) seemed kind of anticlimatic (probably because we really didn’t have any time to anticipate them coming on – from Thanksgiving until New Year’s was kind of all lumped in together!). The best thing that I can recommend is: 1) write those summaries!  You will be surprised at how quickly the little details fade. 2) have fun looking at the pictures (and/or video) when you get them back.   Also, we received lots of pictures that people had taken with their own cameras (some we *just* got this February!) – and it was great to see other views of our day that we hadn’t seen (or didn’t remember). 3) make a scrapbook (if you’re into that kind of thing).  I’m still working on ours (had originally made one, then got more into archiving materials and now am re-doing the whole thing page by page). 4) talk to your guests about the wedding.  Personally, I found this was really helpful.  I had spent a lot of time/money/energy on making sure that our guests were taken care of – and it was really nice to hear that the hotel treated them well, or that they loved the hors d’ouerves, or that they learned how to do the Macarena, or were glad to finally meet another guest that we had talked about.   It really made the whole day come together for me (as the main coordinator of the wedding). 5) plan something fun in the future.  Mark & I planned on making at least one out of state trip in 1997 (and ended up making 3!), renewed our Zoo memebership (we had been too busy planning to go much the year before), got some coupons for local fun things (there’s a mini golf place with a Maze Craze – we love it!). 6) if there was anything that you hated about planning, don’t do it again for a while!  We got married in Mark’s hometown (about 2 hours from us), and we were spending nearly every other weekend there.  While I love my IL’s, I don’t love sleeping on their fold-out couch every other Saturday night – it’s stressful for me and I’m sure for Mark’s mom (she cooks for every meal!).  We’ve cut way back on visits (about every 6 weeks now) and try to stay home a bit more on weekends now.  We enjoy seeing them a lot more now. hth – it will get better as you start yo remember what it was you *did* before you started planning your wedding and new life together! kellie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You mean it doesn’t get any easy after the wedding?  *sighs* I was really > hoping all the stress would go after that.  Oh well, only 2 months to go. >Oh yeah, the STRESS goes away, definitely! There’s just a little bit of >a let-down after pouring all that time, energy, money, creativity, >anticipation into the big day. And, as always, ymmv! This is just how >*I’m* reacting. >K

Response:

Anyone out there > have any other tips for coping with post-wedding blues? > Thanks, > Ketchup

I wasn’t depressed until I returned to work and checked out the newsgroups on my breaks.  Now I get to read about everyone else’s plans knowing that mine are over and done with.  It is kind of fun to give advice from the been there, done that perspective. –Kathy

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Ketchup > > celebrating 46 hours of wedded bliss > Congratualations Ketchup – hope it all went well….when are we going to > see your summeries? > I’m working on ‘em offline I’m writing stuff down so I won’t forget > it but I’m finding I need to distance myself a little from the wedding, > now that it’s over. I’m having a touch of that post-wedding depression! > Our pictures are due back Thursday night, so I’m giving myself > permission to not think too much about the wedding until then.

[SNIP] >Anyone out there > have any other tips for coping with post-wedding blues? > Thanks, > Ketchup

I think talking with friends (which you are already doing!) is an excellent course of action.  Like yours, my wedding went well but there was one difficulty, and a few things that didn’t turn out right, and I had a very hard time letting that go.  What I needed was to hear my friends say the complimentary things about the wedding, to make me realize how small my little obsessions were.  As it happened, we left on our honeymoon without having a chance to talk to friends, and then when we came back the holidays were in full swing.  I didn’t get to hear the raves until much later, when they had sort of faded from everyone’s mind anyway.   Let your friends and family share all their nice comments with you!   Drink it in (and don’t be a afraid to fish a little, for compliments.   After all, you put a lot of planning into it!) — KZ * * I have a wedding page with a collection of ideas for small weddings, * theme weddings, and destination weddings : * * http://www.umich.edu/~kzaruba/wedding.html *

Response:

My wedding is in exactly three weeks.  I think that we have pretty much covered everything.  Not much has gone wrong.  But I would be absolutely mortified if we forgot something and then remembered at the last minute.  Is there anything possible that we could have forgotten to do.

Response:

Did you make the throw away bouquet? Remember to bring the bra that fits with your dress. Did I mention I’m getting married in about 28 days and still don’t have a dress or a cake? yikes! Good luck and congratulations.

Response:

Renee, You sound just like I feel!  My wedding is in three weeks also, and I’m now worrying about all those little details … and worrying I might forget something. What’s helped me is keeping a "To Do" List.  Everytime I think of something (or read something here) that I need to do, I add it to the list … no matter how small.  Hahaha, I even have "get those no-slip stick on thingies for the bottoms of my wedding shoes" on the list.  This way I’m sure I won’t forget something. Take a deep breath, relax a second, and then talk to your fiance, mother, FMIL, & us … we’ll all make sure you have everything on your list.  And remember, don’t sweat the small stuff … and that it’s all small stuff. Debbie (20 days to go is getting waaaaaaaaay too close for comfort … so much to do, so much to do) > My wedding is in exactly three weeks.  I think that we have pretty much > covered everything.  Not much has gone wrong.  But I would be absolutely > mortified if we forgot something and then remembered at the last minute.  Is > there anything possible that we could have forgotten to do.

– ~~~Remember that our illusion of control is just that … an illusion.~~~ To Reply, please remove the "NO SPAM" from my address.

Response:

> My wedding is in exactly three weeks.  I think that we have pretty much > covered everything.  Not much has gone wrong.  But I would be absolutely > mortified if we forgot something and then remembered at the last minute.  Is > there anything possible that we could have forgotten to do.

Do you have the rings? The license? The groom? Someone to officiate? The rest is gravy, I assure you. Ketchup celebrating 46 hours of wedded bliss

Response:

Dear Renee, Celebrating almost thirty-five years of wedded bliss, the one thing I remember to this day is not getting to really eat a slice of the wedding cake. We did the exchange of morsels but it wasn’t  enough. We both think that  after whatever number of years, the only thing you have to remember is each other. Love and God Bless Russ & Bridget

Response:

> Ketchup > celebrating 46 hours of wedded bliss

Congratualations Ketchup – hope it all went well….when are we going to see your summeries? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

Response:

> > Ketchup > celebrating 46 hours of wedded bliss > Congratualations Ketchup – hope it all went well….when are we going to > see your summeries?

I’m working on ‘em offline I’m writing stuff down so I won’t forget it but I’m finding I need to distance myself a little from the wedding, now that it’s over. I’m having a touch of that post-wedding depression! Our pictures are due back Thursday night, so I’m giving myself permission to not think too much about the wedding until then. I mean, it went beautifully, and about as perfectly as an earthly wedding can go, with only a couple of minor glitches, er, umm, that is, only a couple of interesting stories along the way! All the same, the let-down is there. On the bright side: I should be fully "recovered" by the time we leave for our honeymoon later this month, so I’ll be able to really groove on the good time I’m sure we’ll have. I’m doing these good things for myself: talking to friends about how I’m feeling (and getting support from them), not hounding myself to GET OVER IT, getting back into my pre-wedding routine of usual activities, went to see the new Tarzan movie and lusted shamelessly. Anyone out there have any other tips for coping with post-wedding blues? Thanks, Ketchup

Response: