Depression Recovery

Question:

Good post.  Keep on Keeping on Future.   Don’t smoke, Joy of+ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->For months and months.. I’ve been despairing over a losing someone.  I >was rejected, despite how much I gave, how much I cared.  In essence I >gave much of my heart, and paid the price these past few months. >The reasons she gave me why it couldn’t work, because of how she wants >to be single for a while, I’m a few years older than her, we’re in >different places in our lives.  Those all rang true to me; they were the >same nagging doubts I had, except I pushed them aside and let my >emotions take over.  There was definite chemistry between us.  we’d been >through so much in so little time, due to some unfortunate >circumstances.  we we could talk, make each other laugh, etc.  and every >time we saw each other there was this closeness, intimacy, and at those >times it seemed so right, and moreover, possible. >Now I find that everything she said was a lie, all the excuses.  She’s >"hooked up" with someone recently, someone many years older than I am.   >And you know what, it feels good.  It feels good to finally be certain >that she really was taking advantage of me, of how I was willing to help >her out whenever she asked, how I was willing to be there for her when >nobody else would.  Sure it was obvious to me how I only heard from her >when she wanted something from me, but I never outright knew, because I >thought that possibly she shared the same frustration as me: wanting to >be together, but knowing that it can’t work, at least not now.  These >thing she expressed to me, not just in words.  And I tell you, as >upsetting as it may be that I was rejected for some other reason, it’s >eclipsed by the joy I’m feeling to know that I don’t have to give her >the time of day anymore, I don’t have to wonder if she’s as tormented as >I, because, well, she’s not.  She’s not worth my time or my feelings. >I have to thank her for doing more than Zyban (in its anti-depressant >form) could ever do for me. >I was gonna OT the subject but it’s kind of relevant: she’s one of the >main reasons I’ve had major trouble quitting, and why I started up again >in the first place. >phase >(nearing 1m..Three weeks, six days, 16 hours, 26 minutes and 46 seconds) >—-== Posted via Newsfeed.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- >http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups >—= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers – Total Privacy via Encryption =—

Response:

> Good evening, Phase, > I’m sorry that you are going through this. It’s that simple. I don’t > have the time to say all i want to right now, but I will be back > later. I just wanted you to know I care how you feel. I’ll be back > soon.

Hi, Thanks … I realized after posting I didn’t fully explain everything.  Any time I saw her over the past month, which wasn’t that much, and usually when she needed me to help her out, she’d maintain the story that she was torn.  It almost always ended dramatically.  So… I allowed myself to believe it, mostly that she didn’t want to be in a relationship right now, she’s "not ready", too unstable.  And yeah okay I completely agree with that, she’s fucked up, addicted to drugs (one of them nicotine, another worse), likes to socialize, party, go places I wouldn’t be caught dead.  I don’t know why, my emotions took over, I wouldn’t listen to my own reason, not unlike how I ignore all my sensibilities when I crave a cigarette.  And so for three months now, I’ve gone in and out of depression, because things in my life weren’t going too well in the first place. Then like, this morning, I read on a web page journal of hers, she found someone last week, she’s so happy, even though her parents aren’t keen on the idea that he’s eight years older.  I think her parents’ disapproval though is part of what drives her attraction towards guys, because her parents actually like me.  That’s weird, because no girlfriend’s parents have EVER liked me.  In one case our relationship was forbidden, but that’s another story.  Anyway, they liked me probably because I sat by her side for countless hours overnight in the emergency room, then later in the hospital, when none of her friends bothered to stay more than 5 minutes, and most of them didn’t even come at all.  We were really close during that time.  And before that, we’d had some romantic encounters I guess you could say.  but… the more she recovered, the more distant she got, the less affectionate.  I think I bored some of you on IRC with this story a month ago ok2bwild was there, if I recall … So besides being traumatized by the whole hospital incident (what happened to her, it’s like my worst fear, and to see her helpless in the ER for 12 hours with no one being able to help, no effective medication, that’s something hard to forget) I kept feeling bad that it didn’t work out, it felt so right.  I saw her from time to time last month, and we’d be close again, we’d talk about a relationship, she’d have to think about it, etc.   Now that she’s sort of revealed herself, going against everything she told me was why we couldn’t be together, I feel good knowing that she’s completely full of shit.  I guess it was a lot harder having this image of perfection in my mind, even though it was far from perfect, and coping with the loss of it.  I suspected she was taking advantage of me.   Now I guess I feel kind of vindicated.  Now it won’t hurt so much when she asks me to do something and I have to say no to protect my feelings, like I’m obligated to as a friend… when she’s never really been my mind, I’ve only been hers. A weight has been lifted.  it isn’t making me happy by any means, but maybe it’ll end up being one less thing to dwell on.  Why waste my thoughts & time on someone who doesn’t care.  I knew that logic before.   Now maybe I’ll be able to apply it. phase One month, 5 minutes and 44 seconds. =) —-== Posted via Newsfeed.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups —= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers – Total Privacy via Encryption =—

Response:

> FMD?  Phase that’s lovely!!  Start a new thread for congrats!!

No no not necessary but thanks very much… I move in four days.  I’m excited & not stressed.  I actually feel okay for the first time in months.  Does peace of mind await?  hmm… who knows.  I think it’s gonna be a long process… but I’m looking forward to it.   optimism!  who knew?!  just have to hold on… kind regards phase One month, 18 hours, 18 minutes and 45 seconds. —-== Posted via Newsfeed.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups —= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers – Total Privacy via Encryption =—

Response:

> protect my feelings, like I’m obligated to as a friend… when she’s > never really been my mind, I’ve only been hers.

that was supposed to say "when she’s never really been mine" —-== Posted via Newsfeed.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups —= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers – Total Privacy via Encryption =—

Response:

Phase, I am truly sorry about your friend.  Betrayals hurt like hell, don’t they? You’re doing the best you can by taking what positives you can take away from this situation; that speaks volumes about your character and you can feel pretty good about that. You can also feel pretty good about this: > phase > One month, 5 minutes and 44 seconds. =)

I’m glad to see you got your first month done there.  Congratulations hugs, elle — "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true." -James Branch Cabell

Response:

Hi Phase, this definately sounds like a "good riddance to bad rubbish" sort of relationship, I’ve had a few of those. The relief of them being over is almost, but not quite, worth having them in the first place. Sorta like banging your head against the wall and then noticing how good it feels when you finally stop. Seejee

<snipped> > Now I find that everything she said was a lie, all the excuses.  <snipped>  She’s not worth my time or my feelings.

<snipped>

Response:

There ain’t no cloud so thick that the sun ain’t shinin’ on t’other side.- Rattlesnake,an 1870s mountain man (beliefnet quote the other day)

Response:

FMD?  Phase that’s lovely!!  Start a new thread for congrats!! WHOO HOO, PHASE! You did it, and you will recover from what’s-her-name. Way to go, and stay strong DG

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Good evening, Phase, > I’m sorry that you are going through this. It’s that simple. I don’t > have the time to say all i want to right now, but I will be back > later. I just wanted you to know I care how you feel. I’ll be back > soon. > Hi, > Thanks … > I realized after posting I didn’t fully explain everything.  Any time I > saw her over the past month, which wasn’t that much, and usually when > she needed me to help her out, she’d maintain the story that she was > torn.  It almost always ended dramatically.  So… I allowed myself to > believe it, mostly that she didn’t want to be in a relationship right > now, she’s "not ready", too unstable.  And yeah okay I completely agree > with that, she’s fucked up, addicted to drugs (one of them nicotine, > another worse), likes to socialize, party, go places I wouldn’t be > caught dead.  I don’t know why, my emotions took over, I wouldn’t listen > to my own reason, not unlike how I ignore all my sensibilities when I > crave a cigarette.  And so for three months now, I’ve gone in and out of > depression, because things in my life weren’t going too well in the > first place. > Then like, this morning, I read on a web page journal of hers, she found > someone last week, she’s so happy, even though her parents aren’t keen > on the idea that he’s eight years older.  I think her parents’ > disapproval though is part of what drives her attraction towards guys, > because her parents actually like me.  That’s weird, because no > girlfriend’s parents have EVER liked me.  In one case our relationship > was forbidden, but that’s another story.  Anyway, they liked me probably > because I sat by her side for countless hours overnight in the emergency > room, then later in the hospital, when none of her friends bothered to > stay more than 5 minutes, and most of them didn’t even come at all.  We > were really close during that time.  And before that, we’d had some > romantic encounters I guess you could say.  but… the more she > recovered, the more distant she got, the less affectionate.  I think I > bored some of you on IRC with this story a month ago ok2bwild was > there, if I recall … > So besides being traumatized by the whole hospital incident (what > happened to her, it’s like my worst fear, and to see her helpless in the > ER for 12 hours with no one being able to help, no effective medication, > that’s something hard to forget) I kept feeling bad that it didn’t work > out, it felt so right.  I saw her from time to time last month, and we’d > be close again, we’d talk about a relationship, she’d have to think > about it, etc. > Now that she’s sort of revealed herself, going against everything she > told me was why we couldn’t be together, I feel good knowing that she’s > completely full of shit.  I guess it was a lot harder having this image > of perfection in my mind, even though it was far from perfect, and > coping with the loss of it.  I suspected she was taking advantage of me. > Now I guess I feel kind of vindicated.  Now it won’t hurt so much when > she asks me to do something and I have to say no to protect my feelings, > like I’m obligated to as a friend… when she’s never really been my > mind, I’ve only been hers. > A weight has been lifted.  it isn’t making me happy by any means, but > maybe it’ll end up being one less thing to dwell on.  Why waste my > thoughts & time on someone who doesn’t care.  I knew that logic before. > Now maybe I’ll be able to apply it. > phase > One month, 5 minutes and 44 seconds. =) > —-== Posted via Newsfeed.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- > http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups > —= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers – Total Privacy via Encryption

=—

Response:

For months and months.. I’ve been despairing over a losing someone.  I was rejected, despite how much I gave, how much I cared.  In essence I gave much of my heart, and paid the price these past few months. The reasons she gave me why it couldn’t work, because of how she wants to be single for a while, I’m a few years older than her, we’re in different places in our lives.  Those all rang true to me; they were the same nagging doubts I had, except I pushed them aside and let my emotions take over.  There was definite chemistry between us.  we’d been through so much in so little time, due to some unfortunate circumstances.  we we could talk, make each other laugh, etc.  and every time we saw each other there was this closeness, intimacy, and at those times it seemed so right, and moreover, possible. Now I find that everything she said was a lie, all the excuses.  She’s "hooked up" with someone recently, someone many years older than I am.   And you know what, it feels good.  It feels good to finally be certain that she really was taking advantage of me, of how I was willing to help her out whenever she asked, how I was willing to be there for her when nobody else would.  Sure it was obvious to me how I only heard from her when she wanted something from me, but I never outright knew, because I thought that possibly she shared the same frustration as me: wanting to be together, but knowing that it can’t work, at least not now.  These thing she expressed to me, not just in words.  And I tell you, as upsetting as it may be that I was rejected for some other reason, it’s eclipsed by the joy I’m feeling to know that I don’t have to give her the time of day anymore, I don’t have to wonder if she’s as tormented as I, because, well, she’s not.  She’s not worth my time or my feelings. I have to thank her for doing more than Zyban (in its anti-depressant form) could ever do for me. I was gonna OT the subject but it’s kind of relevant: she’s one of the main reasons I’ve had major trouble quitting, and why I started up again in the first place. phase (nearing 1m..Three weeks, six days, 16 hours, 26 minutes and 46 seconds) —-== Posted via Newsfeed.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups —= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers – Total Privacy via Encryption =—

Response:

You hot shit, you. And, you know – I think you have a sense of this – and I see it as clear as day – you are One Lucky Bastard! Never think otherwise! > Three weeks, six days, 16 hours, 26 minutes and 46 > seconds)

You GO, guy!!!! Tom HOF +

Response:

Glad to see you’re hitting a month today – me too! Dealing with the opposite sex is always problematic, even when two people are crazy in love – but quitting smoking is just one person dealing with themself and can be forever! Keep working on it, I am – Marilynn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > For months and months.. I’ve been despairing over a losing someone.  I > was rejected, despite how much I gave, how much I cared.  In essence I > gave much of my heart, and paid the price these past few months. > The reasons she gave me why it couldn’t work, because of how she wants > to be single for a while, I’m a few years older than her, we’re in > different places in our lives.  Those all rang true to me; they were the > same nagging doubts I had, except I pushed them aside and let my > emotions take over.  There was definite chemistry between us.  we’d been > through so much in so little time, due to some unfortunate > circumstances.  we we could talk, make each other laugh, etc.  and every > time we saw each other there was this closeness, intimacy, and at those > times it seemed so right, and moreover, possible. > Now I find that everything she said was a lie, all the excuses.  She’s > "hooked up" with someone recently, someone many years older than I am.   > And you know what, it feels good.  It feels good to finally be certain > that she really was taking advantage of me, of how I was willing to help > her out whenever she asked, how I was willing to be there for her when > nobody else would.  Sure it was obvious to me how I only heard from her > when she wanted something from me, but I never outright knew, because I > thought that possibly she shared the same frustration as me: wanting to > be together, but knowing that it can’t work, at least not now.  These > thing she expressed to me, not just in words.  And I tell you, as > upsetting as it may be that I was rejected for some other reason, it’s > eclipsed by the joy I’m feeling to know that I don’t have to give her > the time of day anymore, I don’t have to wonder if she’s as tormented as > I, because, well, she’s not.  She’s not worth my time or my feelings. > I have to thank her for doing more than Zyban (in its anti-depressant > form) could ever do for me. > I was gonna OT the subject but it’s kind of relevant: she’s one of the > main reasons I’ve had major trouble quitting, and why I started up again > in the first place. > phase > (nearing 1m..Three weeks, six days, 16 hours, 26 minutes and 46 seconds) > —-== Posted via Newsfeed.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- > http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups > —= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers – Total Privacy via Encryption =—

Response:

Good evening, Phase, I’m sorry that you are going through this. It’s that simple. I don’t have the time to say all i want to right now, but I will be back later. I just wanted you to know I care how you feel. I’ll be back soon. Lisa One week, three days, 39 minutes and 28 seconds. 200 cigarettes not smoked, saving $22.96. Life saved: 16 hours, 40 minutes. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > For months and months.. I’ve been despairing over a losing someone.  I > was rejected, despite how much I gave, how much I cared.  In essence I > gave much of my heart, and paid the price these past few months. > The reasons she gave me why it couldn’t work, because of how she wants > to be single for a while, I’m a few years older than her, we’re in > different places in our lives.  Those all rang true to me; they were the > same nagging doubts I had, except I pushed them aside and let my > emotions take over.  There was definite chemistry between us.  we’d been > through so much in so little time, due to some unfortunate > circumstances.  we we could talk, make each other laugh, etc.  and every > time we saw each other there was this closeness, intimacy, and at those > times it seemed so right, and moreover, possible. > Now I find that everything she said was a lie, all the excuses.  She’s > "hooked up" with someone recently, someone many years older than I am.   > And you know what, it feels good.  It feels good to finally be certain > that she really was taking advantage of me, of how I was willing to help > her out whenever she asked, how I was willing to be there for her when > nobody else would.  Sure it was obvious to me how I only heard from her > when she wanted something from me, but I never outright knew, because I > thought that possibly she shared the same frustration as me: wanting to > be together, but knowing that it can’t work, at least not now.  These > thing she expressed to me, not just in words.  And I tell you, as > upsetting as it may be that I was rejected for some other reason, it’s > eclipsed by the joy I’m feeling to know that I don’t have to give her > the time of day anymore, I don’t have to wonder if she’s as tormented as > I, because, well, she’s not.  She’s not worth my time or my feelings. > I have to thank her for doing more than Zyban (in its anti-depressant > form) could ever do for me. > I was gonna OT the subject but it’s kind of relevant: she’s one of the > main reasons I’ve had major trouble quitting, and why I started up again > in the first place. > phase > (nearing 1m..Three weeks, six days, 16 hours, 26 minutes and 46 seconds) > —-== Posted via Newsfeed.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- > http://www.newsfeed.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000 Newsgroups > —= 19 East/West-Coast Specialized Servers – Total Privacy via Encryption =—

Response:

Mr Phase, I once had a 18 month quit under my belt, and guess what?  I started smoking again because of EXACTLY the situation that you write about here!!  I guess these problems are universal, no?  Don’t make the same mistake I did, Phase!!  Stay strong and stay off the smokes! -JoeD no smokes since 03 Oct 2001 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > For months and months.. I’ve been despairing over a losing someone.  I > …etc…

Response: